We are here today on another episode with Beth Matthew and Cayla Brooke. Beth shares a book called, Atomic Habits. We need to make sure that we set up our Identity Goals first. Picture a big circle — in the middle is our identity. Our identity should match up with our goals and suit who we are. Think about who you want to be and think about an “I am” statement. This allows you to be positive about your goals and missions. A good example of this is saying “I’m not so good with tech” vs “I am a person who can get these tech issues resolved.”

Your identity is understanding who you are as an individual. Your mission statement in life is part of your identity. If we don’t change our identity to what you’re going to do, we’re not going to change what we’re doing with our goals. This is beyond doing an affirmation but making sure it is tied to your identity.

To help you find your identity and know your goals, you need to find your why.

  1. Look 5 years ahead and picture out how your day looks like (your career, your body, your family, your spouse, and every other detail of what you want for your life).
  2. Think of who you need to become to have that life.
  3. What steps do I need to do now to achieve that goal I have?
  4. Think of who you need to become to reach that goal.
  5. Think of what you really want and do not fall into the pressure of what others think you need to do.
  6. Make sure your actions fit into your why.
  7. Make your daily habits align with your goals.

We tend to think about our goals for our health or our career but we should really think first about goals for our life. That way, we can make sure that the smaller aspects of our life like career, marriage, etc. are all in line with our big life goals. Then we can narrow it down to yearly goals and eventually narrow it down to much smaller goals like quarterly, monthly, weekly and daily goals. We can make sure our habits are aligned with our daily goals and our purpose. That way, we are always moving toward the place where we want to be.

James Clear in his book states the differences between two people who are trying to quit smoking. When offered a cigarette, one says “No thanks, I’m trying to quit” while the other says “No thanks, I’m not a smoker”. The difference is mainly how each person identifies himself — the first one identifying himself as still being a smoker while the second one identifies himself as somebody who no longer smokes.  Systems are super important and to become better persons and have better habits, and you need systems to have behavior change.

3 Layers of Behavior Change:

  1. Identity
  2. Processes
  3. Outcomes

Achieving a goal is a momentary change, but changing your habits and setting up systems makes it easier for you to make achieving those goals a habit. James Clear also mentions habit stacking. For example, you exercise everyday and this is part of your goal. You might want to add another habit that helps you get closer to your goal like doing stretches after exercising. It is important to follow systems to achieve your goal. Doing good habits consistently through systems will allow you to get much closer to your goals.

Goals are good for planning your progress, but what happens if we don’t meet our goal? Don’t give up. Learn to have joy in the journey. Rather than focusing on the outcome, focus on who you want to become and on setting up systems and habits.

Cayla also highly recommends the book, “Limitless”, by Jim Kwik. She did not meet all her goals in 2020 due to the pandemic, but she learned that she still needed to focus on her goal and not give up. Even if you didn’t meet all of your goals, make sure to still celebrate the little things that you did.

Links mentioned in this episode: